Simon Cowell TV and Music Producer

Dear Mr Cowell,           

I’m thinking of auditioning for your show the X Factor, as I have an amazing, angelic singing voice. It sounds like a cross between Kesha and Johnny Rotten from the Sex Pistols. People have said when they hear me sing all the problems in their life disappear, so you could say my voice heals people.

There is one problem however Simon (I presume it’s ok to call you Simon?) I can only sing well when I’m in the shower. Now I know this isn’t going to be easy but is there any way we can have a power shower installed on the stage when I sing my song, preferably one with a door and maybe a towel rack just outside. I won’t need to be naked or anything, unless you want me to be? When I reach the live shows, which I will do because I’ve got an amazing voice, I can dress in different swimwear each week and make it raunchy by squirting shower gel over my naked torso.

Please can you do this for me Simon, please I’m begging you, it’s my dream to sing to millions in the shower, you can’t take this away from me it’s my life, it’s what I was born to do, please Simon. Please. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours desperately

Oliver Trout