Luis Suarez Footballer

Dear Mr Suarez,

I would like to say Luis (Don’t mind if I call you Luis do you?) aside from the biting of arms, the racist abuse, the diving, the conning of referees, the bad discipline,  the lack of respect to fans, fellow players and manager, you seem like an alright bloke.

Now I understand you’re unhappy at Liverpool at the moment and are looking to get a transfer, the club however are refusing to let you go. With Wayne Rooney and Gareth Bale in similar situations it’s hard not to feel sorry for you footballers. I just don’t think you get enough support, everyone is so engrossed in what’s going on in their own lives that they forget what you poor footballers are going through. There is this guy I know who lost both his legs in an accident and now is in a wheelchair, he could no longer work so he ended up struggling financially. He lost his house as he couldn't afford the mortgage and now lives in a bedsit, both his parents then died within weeks of each other, his wife left him for his brother and all the bloke does is moan. I've tried to make him see that if he takes the time to look around he’ll notice that there are people a lot worse off than him, people such as yourself for instance. I just wish there was more we could do to help.

I hope things work out for you especially as I'm a big Arsenal fan and would love to see you playing for us next season, I think the change would do you good. Having said that we also play in red and don’t win anything.

All the best

O. Trout

(Godalming bus shelter)

Sir Alex Ferguson former Manchester United manager

Dear Mr Ferguson,

Even though I support Arsenal I have an awful lot of respect for the way you've managed Manchester United over the years and although I'm kind of relieved you’re hanging up your chewing gums, football will miss your passion and endeavour. Anyway least you’ll have a lot more free time on your hands now; actually I seem to remember you getting a lot of that at Old Trafford over the years. Only joking Sir Alex (You don’t mind me calling you Sir Alex do you?)

The reason I'm writing to you today Sir Alex is that my friend Bobby has been trying out your hair dryer treatment on his employees when they make mistakes, but he tells me that it’s not working. He said they struggle to gel as a team and recently a lot of staff has left. He has even been threatened with legal action by one of his ex employees. What do you think it is he’s doing wrong? I mean he’s worked in hairdressers all his life, he’s finally got his own salon but his man management isn't working. If there is any advice you can give to help him I would appreciate it. I did say that maybe he’s putting the hair dryer too close to their faces or perhaps he’s turning the setting up too high, but hey what do I know.

Oh yeah one more thing, now that you've gone I take it there’s no reason for Howard Webb to carry on refereeing. I'm just kidding with you Sir Alex.

All the best

Ollie Trout 

Arsene Wenger Arsenal manager

Dear Mr Wenger,               

I am a 30 year old man living in Surrey and have been supporting Arsenal for 31 years now. I made a subconscious decision when I was in my mothers womb that I when I entered the world I wanted to live life on the edge so I decided Arsenal would be the team I followed and I haven’t been disappointed.

Now we all know that in recent seasons things haven’t been great and the fans and media are quick to judge you on where you are going wrong. I though, am still backing you one hundred per cent. You have done wonders for this club and I believe you are still the man to lead us to future glory. There is however one thing I think you need to change Arsene (Do you mind me calling you Arsene?) and no it’s not the defence or your tactics it is the big long coat Arsene, it needs to go.

Now with all due respect Arsene, you are renowned for being quite stubborn and that’s not always a bad thing, but I feel you are persisting with this coat even though you know deep down it’s not good enough. Looking back to the early noughties, during our successful years, you always looked the part and were very much at the height of fashion. I just don’t think you have moved with the times to see what other touchline wear is available and this unfortunately seems to be affecting the players. I know coats aren’t cheap these days but I really think you should spend the money you have to get a new one. I’m sure with backing from the board you can find a top quality coat on the market during the summer and we can bring the glory days back to this great club. You know it makes sense Arsene.

Good luck

Oliver Trout