Taylor Swift Pop Singer

Dear Miss Swift,                

After attending your gig at London’s O2 the other night, I walked in when you were singing your song ‘I knew you were trouble’, I couldn't help but think it was aimed at me. The reason I say this is because I turned up late a little worse for wear, after spilling my drink over a disabled man, I then got into a heated altercation with a teenage girl over seating arrangements. This then led me to be ejected by staff and I went home in shame.

Now it is quite understandable that you were singing this song about me as it looked very much like I was trouble when I walked in and you knew that. I thought I better take the time to explain that I'm actually a really nice guy and this was totally out of character and that I'm not trouble when I walk in anywhere and I think you should know that……. So are we cool?

Kind regards

Oliver Trout (Head of security O2)

Justin Bieber Pop Singer

Dear Mr Bieber,                    

I'm a 30 year old guy and I work as a bin man in my local town. Me and the lads from work, that’s Big Tone, Nutty Nige and Mad Al are all massive fans of yours. So I decided to get us all tickets to see you at the O2 in London the other week, despite the fact that it was a week night and we all had to get up for our round at 5am the next morning, we were all buzzing to see you live. Now obviously we knew it would be a late night but we weren't expecting to be kept waiting over two hours for your arrival.

Now Justin, (I'm calling you Justin whether you like it or not) I know you have had a lot of complaints about this and people are demanding a refund for a blatant lack of respect. I though am not asking for my money back, all I'm asking from you Justin is to come down the Dog and Duck in East London this Friday night and apologise to me and the lads face to face. The lads are obviously very angry and upset and I've had to put up with Nutty Nige biting through his pint glass, Mad Al ripping up train seats and Big Tone crying in my arms, now I think we all deserve an apology from you and some tickets to see your next gig and some money, I don’t think that is too much to ask. So just come down, no trouble I promise, we’ll just have a drink and a chat.

Lots of love

Ollie The Psycho Trout