Ross Noble Comedian

Dear Mr Noble,        

About two years ago now I was in Starbucks having a coffee with a girl I was seeing in Guildford, when to my surprise there you were sitting in the corner with your wife and young child. Now I didn't approach you as I'm not that kind of guy, but I did turn to the girl I was seeing and say, just watch this guy his name’s Ross Noble and he’s hilarious. I was out to impress her and I knew a comic genius like you wouldn't let me down.

Time went on and we continued to look and listen discreetly but you still hadn't said anything funny, by this point I was getting a little anxious and the girl I was seeing was becoming bored. Then suddenly up you went to the counter and I thought here it is, he’s bound to say something funny now, watch this. But you just asked for some hot water and that was it, if it was a joke I didn't get it and the girl I was seeing certainly didn't.

Please Ross, I thought, as the girl I was seeing kept looking at her watch; please say something funny to stop this horrible tension. You got up again this time to leave, my hope was fading but for a brief couple of seconds I thought maybe you were planning a big finish, but no, you just smiled and thanked the staff before exiting through the door. As you teetered away in to the distance so did my dreams of love.

I'm not one to hold a grudge Ross (Do you mind me calling you Ross?), but I just wondered why you weren't being funny that day, I know you are because I've seen you on the TV. Come to think of it I haven’t seen much of you anywhere recently, are you OK?

Best wishes

Oliver Trout