Alexander Armstrong Actor/Comedian and presenter of quiz show Pointless

Dear Mr Armstrong,                  

                              I am a huge fan of your daytime quiz show, Pointless. I’m not sure if it is technically your show, but if it is then, congratulations because when you come home after a crap day at work, have a cup of tea and learn stuff that doesn’t really matter, that’s television at its best. The way you and Richard bounce off each other with your comedy is magnificent and can only be really matched by Sam and Mark who in their hey day on TMI had me laughing so much I ended up missing the whole weekend. Which reminds me maybe you could invite them onto one of your celebrity shows? I’m sure they’re not doing much these days and would jump at the chance. That would be one hell of a Pointless.

                              Anyway the reason I write to you today Alexander (may I call you Alexander?) is that I often recommend the show to various people most of whom reply by saying I’m not really interested, I haven’t got the time or do I know you? Imagine my delight when I got a call from my sister the other day saying she had watched the show and really enjoyed it. ‘Great!’ I said. ‘But there’s one thing’ she said ‘Why has Alexander got such big ears?’ Now I’d like to say my sister is 6 years old but she’s actually 32. ‘Why?’ I said ‘Why? It’s not like they thought; you know what would make this show more interesting? Give the host some fake big ears! There isn’t really a lot he can do about it Sarah!’ That’s my sister’s name.

                              This then got me thinking, maybe this is all make up and those ears aren’t real and maybe Richard isn’t really that tall, he’s just on stilts. What if the jokes they tell are being read off an autocue and the celebrities they have aren’t A list. Is Central African Republic really a country? These are questions that I would be grateful for you to answer Alexander, as nothing is making much sense to me anymore, my life has become…. for want of a better word, pointless. Please help.

                              Kind regards

                              Oliver Trout