Alex Jones TV Presenter

Dear Miss Jones,

I thought I’d write you a letter as I don’t bother with that Twitter nonsense and I’ve got nothing better to do with my time.

So Alex (Do you mind me calling you Alex?) you have been doing very well for yourself of late what with the success of the One Show and Let’s Dance for Comic Relief, not to mention your appearance on Strictly Come Dancing and you should be damn proud of your achievements so far.

Now I for one am very pleased that you’re doing well but I can’t help but think you may have outgrown the BBC and the One Show, it’s just a little dull and nicey, nicey. I think you need to be doing something bigger and more cutting edge. How about making a big money move to ITV? You could present a breakfast show or something and have your brother Steve Jones present it with you, it could start at 6am and finish around 8.30. If that doesn’t work out, you could end up presenting a prime time show on a Sunday evening involving, I don’t know say Phillip Schofield. Also, have you thought about maybe getting a professional footballer as a boyfriend, someone who plays for Chelsea for instance? What about John Terry or Ashley Cole they seem like trustworthy lads.

Anyway have a little think about it and let me know. Actually don’t waste money on stamps, I’ll just tune into the One Show every now and again to see if you’re still there.

All the best

Oliver Trout