Geri Halliwell Former member of the Spice Girls

Dear Miss Halliwell,                   

You were without doubt my favourite Spice girl when I was growing up. Behind Emma, Victoria, and both the Mel’s. You changed the way we see women in society and brought girl power to a new level. That said, I’m still unsure whether I should be holding the door open for women or pulling the chair out for them to sit down. Am I being a gentleman or am I just patronizing them?

The real reason I write to you today Geri (Your Ok with me calling you Geri right?) is that I’m after a bit of advice. I’m thinking of reuniting my five-a-side football team Substandard Liege, with my old pals Flapper, Little Dog, Big D Nuts, Shaven and Woody, the problem is I don’t know how to start the ball rolling so to speak.

Just like you we were very successful in the late nineties and we were always number one in the table. There wasn’t a team that could get near us at the time. One day I decided that I wanted a new challenge and made a difficult decision to leave the team and start a new one. This angered the rest of the lads and although they tried to continue without me, they subsequently folded. Years have gone by and after my new team didn’t really work out I’m left with the regret of losing a great team and some good friends. This time I want to make it last forever, friendship never ends.

Now obviously you went through something similar with the girls, so I just want to know how you got on speaking terms with them again. Did you make the first move? What did you say? These are all questions I’d love for you to answer. I would say let’s go for a drink but I’m not sure my girlfriend would be too pleased, so an E-mail or letter is fine.   

Yours sincerely,

Oliver Trout