Mark Foster Ex British Swimmer

Dear Mr Foster,  

I have just found out recently that we are in fact related. I've always admired you as a sportsman so I'm delighted to get this news. I was also a good a swimmer when I was young so there must be something in the blood, unfortunately I had to stop because the training at the club used to clash with my paper round job. Anyway it’s a shame I didn't know you was my nan’s cousin’s grandson before as we could have arranged a family get together or something. Having said that Mark (I presume it’s ok to call you Mark?) if you haven’t any plans for Christmas yet, you’re more than welcome to join us round my mum’s house in Chessington. As you’re family I imagine you also have a Turkey dinner and a few drinks, so it will be nothing out of the ordinary for you.

I'm guessing you are thinking I better bring a few presents or something but honestly Mark I don’t want anything much, I’ll leave a little list below just in case though. Let me know what you’re up to and we’ll arrange times and stuff.

My Christmas list

New Audi A7 Sportback RS7 (not too bothered about colour but would prefer silver).

Armani Collezioni classic Cashmere slim fit coat (Try House of Frazer).

New watch- Anything by Rolex really, maybe The Oyster Perpetual 42 mm White Gold Sky-Dweller with two time zones and innovative annual calendar, but not too fussed.

All expenses paid holiday to the Caribbean (preferably two weeks around June next year) Go to destinology.co.uk and click on luxury holidays Caribbean and any of those will do.  

Hope that gives you a bit of an idea Mark, as I said don’t go mad, just one or two from the list. Look forward to seeing you Christmas day.

All the best

O. Trout

(Your nan’s cousin’s grandson)

  

Cliff Richard Singer

Dear Mr Richard,               

I know it’s a little early but I was wondering if you had any plans for next Christmas. I don’t actually mean on the day itself as I'm sure you are going to be busy with your family or something. Although if you are at a lose end I could ask my mum to knock up an extra dinner for you, but you’ll have to let me know as soon as you can because she likes to be organised well in advance. I do of course mean have you any plans to do a Christmas song? You've been out of the game for a while now, why not make a return. I'm sure there are quite a few of your fans still alive who will buy the single. Have a little think.

Also I must add I actually received your 2013 calendar for Christmas last year and it is hanging proudly on my kitchen wall. There you are posing handsomely in all sorts of exotic locations. I have to say it is one of the best funny presents I’ve ever received.

Let me know about Christmas Cliff (Your alright with me calling you Cliff aren’t you?)

All the best

Oliver Trout