David Moyes Former Manchester United Manager

Dear Mr Moyes,  

I know you have had a difficult time of it recently what with the sacking and the constant media attention, not to mention everyone having their opinions and taking the Mickey, you must feel so trapped. I think first and foremost you should get away for a bit and clear your head, The Sun newspaper are doing their £15 holidays again so might be worth collecting the tokens for that, best to stay away from the back pages though.

Now the reason I write to you today David (Do you mind me calling you David?) is not to go on about what happened but perhaps help you to build for the future and come back stronger after this humiliation. Around 5 years ago my mate Barry was offered a senior management role at the local Co-op, when the long serving successful manager before retired after 25 years. Baz had worked his way up from being a checkout assistant and the former boss saw potential in him and offered him the reigns. Unfortunately for Bazza it all went tits up, profits fell, staffing levels dropped and eventually he was shown the door after just 8 months in charge. But David, despite his wife and kids leaving him, losing his family home and being diagnosed with depression, Barry after 4 and a half years of hell has recently returned to work and has a job working part-time at the local Greengrocers and after not going out of the house for years, he is now socialising at the Wetherspoons in Godalming where he chats to anyone that will listen.

So I guess what I'm saying is David, if Bazza can get back on his feet again, so can you.

Chin up

Oliver Trout

(Wetherspoons Godalming)

Sir Alex Ferguson former Manchester United manager

Dear Mr Ferguson,

Even though I support Arsenal I have an awful lot of respect for the way you've managed Manchester United over the years and although I'm kind of relieved you’re hanging up your chewing gums, football will miss your passion and endeavour. Anyway least you’ll have a lot more free time on your hands now; actually I seem to remember you getting a lot of that at Old Trafford over the years. Only joking Sir Alex (You don’t mind me calling you Sir Alex do you?)

The reason I'm writing to you today Sir Alex is that my friend Bobby has been trying out your hair dryer treatment on his employees when they make mistakes, but he tells me that it’s not working. He said they struggle to gel as a team and recently a lot of staff has left. He has even been threatened with legal action by one of his ex employees. What do you think it is he’s doing wrong? I mean he’s worked in hairdressers all his life, he’s finally got his own salon but his man management isn't working. If there is any advice you can give to help him I would appreciate it. I did say that maybe he’s putting the hair dryer too close to their faces or perhaps he’s turning the setting up too high, but hey what do I know.

Oh yeah one more thing, now that you've gone I take it there’s no reason for Howard Webb to carry on refereeing. I'm just kidding with you Sir Alex.

All the best

Ollie Trout