Anne Robinson Television Presenter and Journalist

Dear Mrs Robinson,

I was round visiting my 90 year-old Grandmother the other day and after I’d eaten her out of biscuits we decided to watch a bit of TV, we came across your show The Weakest Link, now either of us had seen it before but thought we’d give it a go as there was nothing else on, plus who doesn't like a nice friendly early evening quiz show to lighten the mood.

In the hour that followed we were utterly appalled at the way you spoke to the contestants on the show, how on earth the BBC allow this to be aired is beyond me. My Grandmother and I couldn't believe what we were seeing. You asked the contestants to introduce themselves and then you just ridiculed them about their occupation and appearance, amongst other things. Yes some of them were tossers but you as a host of a prime time quiz show should have been more mature in letting it slide. Then when one of them got a question wrong you absolutely slaughtered them, I mean that’s hardly going to give them confidence for the next round of questions. Then just when we thought you couldn't be any more vicious, when one of the contestants was voted out you just said ‘you are the weakest link goodbye’. There was none of this hard luck, you did really well and thanks for being on the show!!

Now I have already sent a strongly worded letter to points of view about this but I am so disgusted that I thought I’d write to you directly. I very much doubt I will get a reply as you don’t seem a particularly nice person Anne (I'm calling you Anne whether you like it or not). I have to say my Grandmother did make a good point when she said; how would she like it if someone was to call her a shrivelled up ginger, botox induced cunt with a face like a hippo’s arse and she’s right how would you like it Anne?

Yours sincerely,

O. Trout

  

Graham Norton Comedian and TV Presenter

Dear Mr Norton,

You are an extremely funny man and I love that chat show you have on the BBC. I can’t for the life of me remember what it is called sorry, but it is good television. The only thing I object to slightly with your sense of humour is that you take the mickey quite a bit and although it is funny, sometimes it can be a bit much.

Anyway Graham (Is it OK to call you Graham?) I wondered if you can help me, I've been living with my flat mate for around 6 months now and although he hasn't said anything to me, I'm starting to suspect he might be gay. I'm probably just being silly but I've noticed a few things which have aroused my suspicions slightly. For instance nearly every Saturday night he goes out dressed as a woman, now maybe he just gets invited to a lot of fancy dress parties, but it is the same outfit every time. Also he uses a lot of face and hair products and is always going shopping for clothes, now maybe I'm just an old fashioned bloke and I don’t really get the modern day man thing, but I find it a little feminine.

He brought a male friend back with him the other week and they spent a long time in his room, I could hear heavy breathing, but I suspect they were working out together or something. He loves musicals and his icons are Liza Minnelli and Kylie but I guess not every man has to like football and rock music and hey who doesn't like Kylie, she’s got a cracking arse. He often calls me darling or honey in a dramatic way, but he’s probably kidding around like guys do.

There is one thing that definitely got me thinking though, he is always hanging around with this really pretty girl, they go everywhere together, they’re like best friends but they haven’t slept together. What’s all that about?

Now as a gay man yourself I was hoping you could tell me if he is or not? I haven’t got a problem with it at all; I just wish he could have been honest with me. I don’t really want to confront him in case he isn't? What shall I do? Please help Graham.

Ta Ta for now

Oliver Trout