Holly Willoughby TV Presenter

Dear Mrs Willoughby,

I don’t know if you remember me, but my name is Ollie, I'm 30 years old, brown hair and blue eyes. You glanced at me three quarters of the way through Celebrity Juice in November 2010; I was sat third from the left in the fifth row.......No? Ok fair enough.

The reason I write to you today Holly (I presume it is ok to call you Holly?) is that I'm slightly concerned that your co-host on This Morning, Phillip Schofield, is slowly turning into a cat. Everytime I tune in to the show he looks more and more like a White Persian. I'm frightened that one day I'm going to turn on my TV and whiskas have appeared on his face. I wondered if he had been acting strangely at all, like drinking lots of milk on set, sleeping in unusual places, licking himself, that sort of thing.

I don’t know if you have noticed this yourself, but I am genuinely concerned. If you could just perhaps keep an eye on him, see how it develops. If he keeps nipping off next door for food, then we know we have a problem.

Cheers

Ollie Trout

(Third from the left, fifth row)