Jennifer Aniston American Actress

Dear Miss Aniston,

You were without doubt my favourite Friends star when I was growing up. Behind Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, Ross and Monica. I've also enjoyed watching you in films such as Along Came Polly and all the others ones you did.

Now it has been pretty well documented in the UK that you have yet to find Mr Right and settle down. I'm not so sure it has been as well documented in the US that I also have struggled to find the right girl. Although I have never been married I now have a long list of failed long-term relationships. So I was thinking what do you say we give it five more years and if neither of us has found the one, we get married?  

I better just let you know a bit about me; I'm 30 years old, friendly, down to earth and always up for a laugh. I'm clean and tidy and always put the toilet seat down after use. I'm not bad in the bedroom; I like to think I do a pretty good job. My hobbies are Football and drinking.

If this was to happen Jen (I gather it’s alright to call you Jen?) I would need you to move over to the UK as I can’t really leave my kitchen assistant job, without me the salad bar doesn't get made and the dishes don’t get washed. So what do you say Jen, we got ourselves a deal?

Look forward to hearing from you soon……….. Oh wait a minute it seems you might be marrying some guy called Justin Theroux. I don’t even know who he is but I know he won’t make you happy like me Jen, but you go ahead and marry him, make the biggest mistake of your life. I'm not even bothered Jen, don’t even try and come crawling back to me, because it won’t work.

Call me!

Ollie Trout
(Kitchen Assistant)