Bear Grylls Adventurer, Writer and Television Presenter

Dear Mr Grylls, 

You’re a true adventurer and born survivor and I really admire the way you get yourself out of some pretty life threatening situations, people could learn a lot from you. Actually I think they probably have learnt a lot from you so forget that bit. The thing I don’t get is why in this day and age they haven’t got vending machines in the wild with light snacks and drinks in place for you to consume if you get desperate. It is something they should perhaps look into, but then comes the issue of you actually having the correct change for a Mars bar on you at the time, unless of course it is a machine that dispenses change, then your life becomes a little easier. Sorry I'm waffling on.

Now Bear (Do you mind if I call you Bear? Or would you prefer Michael as that is your actual name?) Although I have never crossed the North Atlantic, Para motored over the Himalayas or been stranded in the Australian outback, I have experienced things in my life where I have thought this must be what Bear Grylls feels like. The first incident was back in my school days when we went on a field trip to Dover Castle, I'm not sure how but I ended up losing my group and found myself alone in the countryside, after several minutes I began to panic and searched frantically for one of my friends or teachers, but to no avail. During the following minutes I began to get hungry, so I opened my lunch box and to my horror noticed that my mum had forgotten to put my sandwiches in. It was all becoming too much and I needed to get a grip, so I started to think of ways to stay alive if rescue did not surface. Thankfully after around 45 minutes and with only a packet of crisps, a yoghurt and a Mars bar consumed I was found by one of my teachers, but it was touch and go for a minute.

On another occasion back in 2006 I was holidaying with my then girlfriend on the island of Lanzarote. One day we went to the beach and I decided to go for a swim in the sea, I took with me my trusted lilo that had been everywhere with me on my ventures across Europe. Upon pushing my lilo further in before I laid on it, a sudden gust of wind took it out of my hands and blew it far out, I thought about letting it go for a second but such was my love for this lilo I was determined to get it back so I swam out after it. When I eventually caught up with it I realised I was some way from shore and even the buoy was out of reach, honestly Michael you don’t even know how alone, frightened and cold I was. Luckily a nearby boat took pity on me, gave me a Mars bar and returned me back to shore and I lived to fight another day, but it was touch and go for a minute.

Sorry I know I'm waffling again but I have got one more, this was a few years back in Benidorm on a stag do. Our first night there we went out as planned and after surviving an attack from a couple of bruisers in a bar, we carried on drinking vast amounts of alcohol. I don’t know how but I ended up on my own in the strip largely intoxicated and without a clue as to what the name of our apartment was. Having passed out in various places I woke to find I had had my wallet stolen and all my money gone. The next morning came and the scorching sun was bearing down on me, I had no money for food or drink and wondered if I’d ever see my friends again, honestly Michael you don’t even know how alone, hot and in need of water I was. After a while and feeling very weak I reached a crossroads, I had to make a decision on which way to turn, if it was the wrong one it could have been the end for me, but there suddenly in the distance and to my utter relief I saw my friends walking down the road, they bought me a fry up and a Mars bar and I lived to fight another day, but it was touch and go for a moment.

Anyway I’ll let you get on, but it just goes to show we’re not all that different me and you.

Toodle pip

O. Trout