Queen Elizabeth II

Dear Your Majesty The Queen,

I know most people probably Tweet you or write on your Facebook wall, but I thought I’d go the old fashioned route and write you a letter. Plus it will give you something to read on those lonely days at the palace. Actually maybe we could become pen pals, what do you reckon?

I haven’t seen you out and about waving much recently, is everything ok? I suspect you’re taking it easy after a busy year last year what with all the Olympic stuff and your Diamond Jubilee, or birthday as Will I am called it. Your face towards the end of those events, you looked well pissed off, mind you so would I if I had to listen to JLS live, it’s ok they won’t be bothering anyone anymore.

How are Philip and the family? Oh and not to mention the corgis? I take it they have all been registered now; they’re very strict about that these days.

Not a lot happening my end, recently split with my girlfriend but it’s a long story so I won’t go into that now. Other than that just work really and going out with my mates when I can, you know how it is.

So…….who do you think will win the Premier League next season? My money is on Chelsea, they've got the special one back now so they’re going to be a real threat. It should be a really interesting season, looking forward to it.

Anyway I’ll let you get on, but be sure to write back.

Yours Sincerely,

Ollie Trout