Miley Cyrus Actress and singer

Dear Miss Cyrus,

One of my close friends from work has a 16 year old daughter and she is absolutely crazy about acting and singing, she has been going to a performing arts school for a few years now and had started to get really good. The reason for all this is because you are her idol and she wants to be just like you. Her performance is based solely on you and her fashion and hairstyle changes when yours does, which is a lot I presume.

Now after your antics on stage last month her parents have noticed a dramatic change in her behaviour and attitude and they are very worried that this is affecting her bid to become an actress, she is going out to nightclubs nearly every night dressing provocatively and twerking, now I’m not entirely sure what twerking is and quite frankly I don’t want to know Miley (I’m calling you Miley whether you like it or not). Her parents are at a loss of what to do as she won’t seem to listen to anyone so I have taken it upon myself to write to you today.

I would be grateful if you could tell me why all of a sudden you’re a dancing sexually with next to nothing on when you are an actress and singer with whom teenage girls look up to. I know in your song you say you can’t stop and you won’t stop but I would appreciate it if you at least tried. I would like it if you could explain this to me over dinner and a bottle of wine at the Bel and Dragon bar and restaurant in Godalming, Surrey, next Friday at 7.46pm. We don’t just have to talk about this though. Oh and wear your best going out clothes because I was thinking we could hit a nightclub after dinner. Who knows maybe you could teach me this twerking thing as well haha…….actually no, no that’s not on.

Look forward to seeing you then Miley,

Ollie Trout