Ben Affleck Actor, Director and Screenwriter

Dear Mr Affleck,

I think it is terribly unfair the criticism you’re getting for being cast as the next Batman, after all you haven’t even played the part yet and already people are writing you off. Don’t get me wrong when I first heard the news I was like ‘fuck off, Ben Affleck the next Batman, you got to be kidding me’. But then I thought actually no you’re an accomplished actor and should be given a chance to prove the doubters wrong.

The reason I say this Ben (Do you mind me calling you Ben?) is that I had a similar experience back in 1998 when I played the part of a clam in my local Christmas panto, Peter Pan. I only had one line and pretty much one scene but I remember the negativity towards me before I played the part. People were saying I’d be useless as a clam and that I lacked experience for such a role. This only spurred me on though Ben, so I studied clam’s intently for weeks before and watched how they behaved and how they would talk if they could. This knowledge was to prove vital come the performance and I put in a clamtastic performance (excuse the pun). I was told after that I had delivered my lines with such elegance and grace that I was in the frame for a bigger part next year.

It just goes to show Ben if you’re willing to put the effort in and ignore the bad press then you can be a success just like I was back in 1998. Let’s be honest it couldn't go any worse than that film Gigli you did with Jennifer Lopez, awful just awful.

Good luck

O. Trout

P.S Yeah I'm not sure why there was a part for a clam in Peter Pan either.