Penelope Keith Actress

Dear Mrs Keith,

Firstly I would like to say what a good actress I think you are. I remember watching the Good life when I was young and it left me with a feeling of warmth and happiness. All though the characters would often fall into problems they always had closeness with each other that left me thinking life was always like this. Then I grew up and realised that it was actually full of selfish tossers, broken dreams, stress and loneliness. But anyway how are you? I haven’t seen you on TV for a while.

Talking of seeing you Penelope (May I call you Penelope?) it is with my understanding that you live quite near to me in a village called Milford and there have, I've been told numerous sightings of you in the Godalming area. Now it’s been a quite a long time since I've seen a famous person close up so next time you're in the vicinity could you make yourself known a bit in the hope that I'm around to see. Don’t worry I'm not going to come up and pester you, I just want to say to whoever is with me or to myself, oh look it’s Penelope Keith picking up a banana seductively in Waitrose or look there’s Penelope Keith from To the Manor Born breaking up a fight outside Wetherspoons, or maybe oh look it’s that lady from the Good life getting chilli sauce down her top whilst eating a Doner pissed up outside Kebab centre. Failing that you could wear a name badge or swoon down the high street speaking loudly mentioning your own name.

See you around

O. Trout

(Village drunk)