Michael Parkinson Broadcaster Journalist Author

Dear Mr Parkinson,

I wondered if possibly you would be kind enough to do me a favour. I have an addiction to doodling, which if you didn't know is where you have a need to scribble on something with a pen, that could be on paper, walls, desks anywhere you can find.

Now I know you do that advert on the television for life insurance for over fifties, in this you give away a free parker pen for people who enquire about it. I have tried to get one but unfortunately I don’t qualify because I'm only 30. Is there any way you could send me one? The reason I ask this is because my missus has removed all pens from my house, the local shops won’t serve me any as I am on ink watch and I owe money to people who sell pens on the black market. I know you’re a respectable figure but I'm asking you please Michael (Do you mind me calling you Michael?) I'm a desperate man in need of a scribble. If you send me this pen I promise once the inks gone I’ll get help. I've tried before Michael but people won’t take me seriously, I even went on Jeremy Kyle but he just told me to put something on the end of it. I don’t want to blackmail you or anything Michael but if you don’t send me a parker I may have to steal and people could get hurt.

My address is at the top of the page, do the right thing Parky and send me a parker.

Yours sincerely,

O. Trout

P.S If when this is over you would like to interview me I'm free most days except Friday.